Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Hiring and Tantrums of Kaam Waali Bai (Maid)

Note: I feel that the conversations in this post will appear best in their original language Hindi although I am writing them in English J.

Maid 1

Maid: “Hum 800 rs lenge jisme hum sirf  jadhoo pocha aur bartan karenge.
Bathroom aur balcony saaf karne ka 200 rs extra.
Mahine me 3-4 chutti, kab? Wo hume bhi nahin pta.
Hum din me ek baar aayenge, kab? Wo hume bhi nahin pta…bas aa jayenge.
Aap ghar pe nahin mile ya darwaza nahin khola to hum wapas nahin aayenge.

We felt as if she is hiring us for the house cleaning job. After gasping this reaction from that maid’s job applicant Palak said

Palak: “Kisi bhi time aa jayenge ka kya matlab, hum kya pure din isi chakkar me hi bethe rahenge aur jis time tum aap (she didn’t dared to refer her as tum after her answer to the question ”kitne paise logi and kya kaam karogi”) aaogi us time bartan hi nahin hue to??

Maid: “Wo aap dekho, kaam karwana he to karwao….humare pass itna time nahin he.

Palak was astonished with this whole scene as she was new to the locality of Indirapuram. I was a silent listener till now but I took the opportunity to speak when Palak was searching for words. Telepathically we made decision that we are not going to hire her but since she was standing there like lady Dabang I played Sunil Pal’s laughter challenge joke.

Me: “    accha wo sab thik he. Hum tumhe 1200 rs/month denge jisme tumhe saare bartan saaf karne   
             he, matlab, jo gande he wo aur jo  saaf he wo bhi.
Agar tum hume pehle se bta kar chutti karogi to tumhe 50 Rs inaam denge.
Agar tum aayi aur ghar lock hua ya humne darwaza nahin khole to hum tumhe 100 rs as a penalty denge.
Subah ke time kaam karne aaogi to chai and breakfast denge, lunch k baad kaam karne aaogi to lunch denge.
Tyohar k dino me tumhe ek saari or tyohar ka inaam alag se denge.

Bolo manzoor he. Karogi kaam?

(Palak’s astonishment level was high as compared to the conditions put by that maid and conditions put by me. She thought I have completely gone out of mind. She was looking at me like her eyes will pop out from their place). The maid replied to my offer

Maid: “Kya Sahab, mazak kyun karte ho…aisa koi karta he kya?

Me: “Shuruat kisne ki?

Palak burst in to laughter making a embarrassing moment for her. She left right away.

This maid hunt started right from the day when I and Palak came back to our home after marriage. Palak asked me very enthusiastically to let her deal with the maids as I don’t have any experience in this stuff. I laughed and said Best of luck to her. After above incident she might have known the reason behind my smile on that first day of ours as a nuclear family.

Days started passing and both of us kept an eye to the maids who are coming in society. I asked few maids whether they are free to hold one more house, some said “Time nahin he humare pass K”, some said “humare pass to pehle se hi itne ghar hein karne k liye…ab kitna kaam karenge hum :0” and some said “thik he dekhte hein, ghar ka number bta dijiye, baat kar lenge wahan jaa kar ”. Those who visited our home for demo or talk left an unforgettable scene to us.

Maid 2

Maid to Palak: “haan batao kya keh rahi thi tum?

Palak: ”Maine kahan kuch kha, kaun ho tum aur aise kaise baat kar rahi ho

Maid: “Baat to hum aise hi karte hein, kaam karne k liye bulaya tha na tumne, karwana he ya nahin??

Till now Palak become aware how scurrilously these maids talk and they have a union in this society to not to take less than 800 rs for cleaning dishes and moping so she said

Palak: “haan karwana to he agar tum theek se karo to, aa jao…

Maid: “Didi!! Kaam hum A1 quality ka karte hein haan!!!!”.

Palak: “Accha thik he, karo to sahi aur ye chappal to bahar utar do”.

Maid: “Chappal nahin utarte hum, per(legs) gande ho jaate he humare”.

Palak didn’t hired her. She told me that that maid was sweeping floor as she was trying how high she can lift the dust in air and after finishing her work she went to wash basin, used soap to clean her hands (wow!! how hygienic she is, first she didn’t removed her slippers and washed hands with soap) and used our hand towel (e..e..aan…that’s something unusal).

Maid 3

Maid: “Wo neeche Bhaiya ne bola tha ki aapko kaam karwana he”.

Palak: “Accha, lekin tum kaam karogi ya phir koi aur”.

Shades on her eyes with head phones connected to her mobile around her neck, this lady was not looking like a maid at all. She entered in our home, threw  her duppatta on the sofa, placed her shades on center table. Plugged head phones in her ears and started looking for broom.

Maid: “Ye jhaadu badlo didi!!, mere ko nya jhaadu mangta he”.

Palak: “----------”.

Maid: “Dekh lo, is jhaadu se thik safai nahin hogi. Baad me mere ko mat bolna ki kaam thik nahin kiya”.

Palak: “----------”.

She was not listening what my Palak was saying as she was busy with the song sequence playing in her mobile.

Maid: “Didi!! Aapke pass wo dande waala pocha nahin he kya?? Main jhook kar pocha nahn lagayegi, mere ko kmar dard ho jaata he

Palak: “Nahin wo to nahin he…isi se laga do”.

Maid: “Nahin, is se main pocha nahin lagaongi. Waise hum ye kaam karte nahin he….mera to catering ka kaam he”.

Palak: “To phir kyun aayi ho?

Maid: “wo to subah ka time khali he isiliye, mera catering ka kaam to 11 baje se start hota he”.

She didn’t come from next day. This maid was throwing tantrums like in few days she is going to come by  Tata Nano J.

We were wondering if these maids in our society have some requirement document which make them to stick to a home.

I told Palak that here in this locality demand of maid is high and supply is less so these maids have their monopoly or I should say Dadagiri. These are like God to housewives so please do not supervise them or ask them to work in a particular way. We need them, they don’t need us, so, we have to make adjustments.

With such more scenes and experiences we finally got a maid who is not that much tantrum throwing but having the habit of not revealing her exact time and declaring her unexpected leave. I believe this is a “Kahaani Har Ghar ki”.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012


Disclaimer: This one is on a funny note from a husband’s perspective

Marriage makes you realize that

1.      You cannot walk faster if your beloved wife is on high heels.

2.      You cannot jump out of the bed from any side.

3.      Your things are slowly vanishing as they are kept in a well mannered way by your wife at some proper place.

4.      You have to rethink about readjusting fan speed or cooling time of Air conditioner.

5.      Your home can actually look good.

6.      You don’t have access to TV Remote control anymore.

7.      Your all time is reserved for your wife.

8.      You cannot go to grab beer without her permission or without lying to her.

9.      You cannot stare girls while wife is with you.

10.  You have to get used to carry more bags being it in shopping or Travelling.

11.  You have to carry a tissue paper or handkerchief before yelling/shouting on her.

12.  Your percentage of saying "Yes" is higher than the percentage of her saying “I don’t know, it’s up to you”.

13.  You are getting free advices from her.

14.  You cannot put your towel anywhere.

15.  You come to know various things related to women.

16.  You have to go with her in Ladies section of a garment store and avoid seeing Lingerie  and chromosome XY near trial rooms.

17.  Your Marriage is coming with complimentary breakfast, lunch and dinner but you should learn cooking. It may help you sometime.

18.  Biweekly or weekly you have to go for buying groceries and vegetables.

19.  Your own siblings leaves your team and  join your wife’s team.

20.  Your friends do not call you at odd hour.

21.  Your friends talk to you very humbly when wife is around and you get astonished by getting that respect.

22.  With friends you cannot say all those words loudly and you have to mock them.

23.  Your friends always talk about your good character/nature (which they have never done before) in front of wife.

24.  Suddenly you become Uncle from Bhaiya.

25.  You are invited in functions with family.

26.  Someone is waiting for you at home.

27.  She is the one who loves jerk/geek like you.

28.  You always see her face while going to bed and wake up from bed.

29.  Her whole world revolves around you.

30.  You are the only one who matters to her.

31.  Your mother's place is now taken by your wife. Earlier you shared things with your mother and now you start sharing things with wife.


And many more such realizations.

I believe this is a never ending list just like a never published book to understand a woman.

PS: This is based on some of my realizations and some of others.